Distance

I'll start off by talking about this week

Pretty uneventful actually...

But I'm starting to feel sort of like an outcast

of sorts

It's not the official

"You-are-this-room's-outcast"

that case... more of a

Look, you just don't fit in

kind... and i don't even like thinking about it

there exists this... distance...

Then there's yesterday

Argued with my parents over the

NTU NIE admissions submission...

I wanted to put it off

since i knew there was an essay that had to be submitted

and i wanted to be in my best form

when writing that essay

however, they simply kept up the pressure

and told me to hurry in doing it

so in a fit of rage i just did the whole thing

now i'm completely panicking

because i know the essay was hopeless...

Then there's today

This is official,

i'm announcing it here

I'm off animes and manga

PERMANENTLY

as much as everyone believes it's impossible

I promised my parents

and i promised myself

so i'll do it

This comes about from this really huge fight i got into

with them today...

Everyone was crying...

Me, my sister, my mom, even my dad

EVEN MY DAD

haix...

My dad said that he was going to stay at the office

if all these quarreling went on at home

and all because my mom called me

and i refused to leave my comp

since i was watching my show

I'm in the wrong, i know

and that's why i'm giving it up

If it is the best for the family

and i don't lose a part of my flesh

just stopping

i guess it really isn't a problem...

But, it really showed how distant

I got to be from them,

attached to my computer and all...

But after all that arguing and crying

I was basically really sad, angry, sore

and frustrated today

Couldn't really bring myself to be happy

even though i was with the NCHS clique

I mean, they're the guys

i usually go crazy with

I have the most fun with

but for some reason...

I don't know

I just couldn't sustain any conversation

While playing pool,

one of my eyes was still feeling really sore...

threw some of my shots completely off...

but it could have been simply

me being inept...

I really don't know anymore

Jing kang made this passing comment

I think it was meant as a joke

"I don't like this NC clique"

But to me...

it really rang in me...

the movies "we" usually watch

what "we" usually do

what "we" usually talk about

I feel like for me,

it's vanishing

It's no longer the same for me...

It's like pool today

the girls wouldn't touch it at all

just because Jing kang and I

sort of demanded it

the both who did not play

i tried repeatedly,

for them to actually just try hitting once...

they still refused...

I felt really bad while playing

I keep having this sense,

i have not much time left

to go out with you guys so often anymore

so i really, REALLY wanted everyone

to be able to play, be happy...

but at this rate...